What If?

We are many stories ~ while some are not so pretty, there are many for which I am grateful. I sometimes endure severe depression combined with thoughts of a weariness so severe I find I no longer have energy to live. (My friends with military training call it life termination and this makes me laugh at my serious self.) I often ask myself what do I want to carry out during this final phase three of my life?

Just what are my dreams in this phase? I reflect and squirm. Then I think, what if I am already living my dreams? What if I can be at peace with my world and all that it encompasses? Can I do this? I can and do, most of the time.

My personal dream is to know and have a belief in a higher power (for my Papa, it was nature ~ for me, it is God). I want to enjoy and harbor special relationships with my now-grown children. I want to love a Beloved. I want to matter deeply to my Beloved.

Additionally, I want to know the morning light on my face upon waking in my treehouse-type cottage and I want to dance until I fall spent and weeping for joy. I want to give a soft landing to rescue animals who are perhaps a bit strange from their earlier unknown journeys.

I wish to live in a lake cottage filled with meaningful yet “non-matching” furniture; write something daily, profound or otherwise; be bold enough to sketch; and, compose music when I wish ~ 4 am is good.

My dream is to have a dedicated falling-down music cottage (parts of three cottages stuck together in the 1940’s), where I can be quite loud; design anything with fabric; or linger downstairs in my art studio.

Finally, I want to enjoy my dear friends who challenge, lift and encourage each other; to know the sheer quiet joy of kindness ~ true kindness toward others and toward myself; and to understand that mean-spirited humans need love more than anyone else ~ and that I may not have enough love to love them. Yet.

Hurt people, hurt people.

To my world, I salute you. I thank you.