The signs were there. I ignored them. The comfort of being loved was overwhelmingly sought by me. Now, I must deal with the loss. Feel it. Experience it. Allow it.
Forgiveness is important. It takes less energy and allows me to reclaim my own power. To resent or hate or withhold forgiveness is giving away our power to the other person.
Additionally, it is important to recognize the small eruptions of signs and to learn from them. What lessons are shaping? Well, for one, I found I was becoming smaller in my character when around someone refusing to grow. Two, I found I did not feel safe. (This is a really big deal to me and is not necessarily based on logic.) And three, I did not feel as though my voice was being heard. Many times I was ignored or passed over. My dear sister, sweetly mentioned that the feeling of having no voice seems to be prevalent in our generation and that males simply don’t have that sensitivity embedded. Hmmm…..
And just now, a new awareness came to visit my weary brain. This is the second time I have experienced this particular phenomenon in the last twelve months. How can this be? I have been on my own now for 13 years after four serial marriages. What on earth am I doing? Why?
Okay. Time to stop beating the self-pity drum and feel the pain, own whatever part I played with my behavior, and grow. I walk on.